the first secret i've ever kept

And this has been a hard one. But...
It's true. We are 11 weeks and 5 days closer to a little Grublet entering the world.

Some of you know what a huge answer to many prayers this is. After 2 years and a miscarriage, God is granting us a little one. We've already started praying nightly that we don't screw it up.

And I know you all want to know ALL the details, so.....

11 days into becoming official El Pasoans, we discovered that Germany might have been better to us than we realized. After some exhausting days of doing nothing, and a larger than life chest, we decided to spend the ridiculous $8 on yet another test. Jim and I have a system where I take the test and he goes in after the eternal 3 minutes to check it. That way we're both a part of it. Clever, huh?

But, since neither of us really thought it'd be positive, we strayed from the norm. I figured I'd just take it during one of my middle-of-the-night pee parties. So, at the bladder-appointed time I popped out of bed, grabbed the test, peed in the dark and laid back down. Checking the clock I was surprised that it read 2am. (This is important because it explains why I seem so out of it.) A few minutes later, expecting "not pregnant", I held up the test to my squinty eyes and.... couldn't tell. Was there a second line? Maybe. It kinda looked faint.

So I laid back in bed for a few more minutes and checked again. I seemed like it might be just barely darker, but I also just turned the light on and was half blind. A few minutes later after the same routine again, I finally woke up Jim.

His take? "I think you're pregnant." I jump out of bed at this point and say, "Really? Are you sure?" Confusion ensued. We decided I was pregnant.

Jim promptly rolled over and fell asleep. Men. I couldn't turn my brain off until closer to 5am. And in that two and a half hours, I checked it at least 4 more times. (I still couldn't tell if it was getting darker.)

That was Sunday morning. November 30th. And if you know me, I'm not good with secrets. It's been SO HARD!

But our first heartbeat appointment was Monday and our fabulous nurse practitioner found that lovely swoosh, swoosh, swoosh sound that I may never forget. Up until this point, I've had a bit more fear than I was willing to admit. But with that heart beat, it all kinda melted away and I don't have to say "if we have a baby" anymore. And since I was laying down at the time, my tear fell right into my ear.

So there you have it, world. Coming in early August 09, Grublet Number 1.